All In A Days Work??? Not Even Close....

I want to make it very clear I am writing this in pure love, coming from the very core of me.
I get so fed up with people and their shortcomings. I am one who EASILY gets hurt and is affected just as easy by negative things. So when I am disrespected, ignored, talked down to, forgotten, and gossiped about, I am torn into pieces instantly. I will feel things much deeper on something someone said/did than the next person will, I am so insecure. Chalk it up to growing up in that treatment and for most of my adult life, even now at certain times with certain people. I have made this known to pretty much everyone I have known, yet there a ones out there that simply don't care.
I deeply believe in respect. Some, to me, just don't always deserve it. I know that might sound harsh and judgmental, but that's not how it is at all. It doesn't mean I don't LOVE them, or will be rude. However, they have done too much negativity to others and or me to just not deserve the respect they almost demand. Of course, if they treated me with the very same respect they want from everyone and others THEY feel are "top notch" then I am more than willing to open myself to them again. If not, well, then we will go round and round with great distance between us. If you are snotty, stuck up, judgmental, rude, cold, on a high horse, keep it to yourself. Do not take it out on me. My shoulders are not there for your insecurities and crap. I will not take it and hold it for you, I just won't.
What is it about some people that makes them think you, everyone, and the world OWES them??? Is it just being hurt too much in life?? Are they just desperate to feel complete in all the wrong ways?? I think possibly, but I don't quite know for sure. I relate those questions to myself, and can answer them on my behalf, and I can only image they are similar for others. If maybe I knew what in the heck others think and feel and WHY then letting go of how they have treated and continue to treat me would be so much easier to do. As you can probably tell I have a tough time with forgiveness. Not in the sit and be mad, complain, and hold a grudge way. I am the type that will be doing something, anything, or nothing at all and will feel the sadness of all those negative things and how they have torn at me, and I just cry. At times I feel it so strong like the offence JUST happened and I get so dang mad that someone felt they had the RIGHT to do that to me and to infringe on MY agency. Believe it or not, when you treat others in disrespect, it does indeed attack ones free agency. I have my agency and I do not want to be stepped on and tossed aside like a little piece of garbage. Even if you do think of me that way, there is no right that belongs to you to attack my agency. Not in this world or the next.
Once the anger subsides, then the sadness is left and for some reason I can't dissolve it. You know when you clean a window and it can't seem to get completely clean and there's those little smears here and there that just won't go away? That's what it's like for me. I continue to turn to the Atonement of my Savior, and I always will. As I continue to grow in  motherhood and womanhood maybe I can see and understand each single thread that makes that great Atonement and allow it to wipe clean that glass before me, then clear and bright might, just might, be my sight and soul.
Until then, no matter how, stupid, pathetic, hypocritical, lame and bad YOU might think I am, remember you will be judged on those thoughts and actions. You are not perfect either and you know it. Deal with your shortcomings and let me deal with mine. I am STILL working hard to piece back together my childhood and who I was and wasn't. As you can see, I have a lot to catch up on and it might take me eternity to do so. So, just back off and turn inside yourself instead of on me. Right now, get it straight, you do not have any right to say and do what you do and have always done. Not to me or anyone, not at any time!
These words and my feelings are not up for debate or open for conversation. Feelings are not something that  anyone and everyone gets to sit and judge and decide if they think they are right or not. It does not work that way. It's not your way or the highway. If any of this offends you then I can only imagine it's because you are guilty of something I have spoken of. And we have all been guilty at one time or another and we all know it is simply just wrong.